Considering EFT
What is Emotionally Focused Therapy? (Why EFT?)
For many people, relationships can be one of the most integral parts of our lives. At their best, relationships are a source of safety, comfort, and fulfillment. However, all couples encounter rough spots that can strain their connection and fuel tension in the couple. Over time, these challenges can cause couples to feel stuck in cycles of negative interactions, and many experience less satisfaction in a partnership that was once so uniquely rewarding.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a highly researched and effective approach that therapists use to help couples untangle their challenges, restore effective communication, and build secure relationships.
Learning Our Cycles of Negative Interaction
Couples experiencing distress may be caught in cycles of negative interaction. These continued conflicts only serve to perpetuate emotional distance. In the throes of anger, annoyance, and frustration, it can be hard to slow down and be vulnerable with your partner. EFT helps couples recognize and understand their patterns, before teaching couples how to move in a different direction. By learning these cycles, couples can then interrupt negative interactions as they happen, and choose to make explicit the vulnerable emotions and needs they really have. They can respond to each other in more loving ways, and reach for comfort, care, and connection instead.
Working with Attachment Bonds
EFT centers attachment theory, meaning that at its core, this approach holds that human beings are wired for connection and attachment. EFT will strengthen the attachment bonds within a relationship. This approach will have therapists working with couples to address what fears, needs, and hopes, partners might have regarding their attachment. By nurturing a secure attachment, couples can better reach for one another in difficult moments of life, and build a resilient, long-lasting partnership.
EFT Focuses on Underlying Emotions
At the core of our human experience are emotions, but in negative cycles our emotions may be intensely layered, and the most vulnerable ones that need to be expressed, might be the hardest to share freely. EFT holds that in relationship conflicts, the anger that couples become familiar with may be at the surface of some deeper emotional pains, fears, and needs. In therapy, EFT acts as a framework for couples to explore and understand their emotional needs, vulnerabilities, and triggers. By helping couples communicate underlying emotions more effectively and honestly with each other, EFT can foster a deeper understanding of each other's inner worlds, leading to increased empathy and connection.
With an EFT therapist, the destination is the secure bond, where partners recognize their negative cycle when it shows up, and can move towards a better understanding of their implicit needs and coming to one another for support and love.
EFT has achieved the highest standards of research in demonstrating this approach's effectiveness in helping couples improve their relationships. Studies have shown that EFT leads to significant improvements in relationship satisfaction, emotional intimacy, and overall well-being. (Spengler, Lee, Wiebe, & Wittenborn, 2022)
Spengler, P. M., Lee, N. A., Wiebe, S. A., & Wittenborn, A. K. (2022). “A comprehensive meta-analysis on the efficacy of emotionally focused couple therapy.” Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, advance online publication.
Khai Hoang, AMFT
Khai is a Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist (AMFT 141450) supervised by Jessie Li (LMFT 102623).